


every day you outlive him is a victory

by revoleotion



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst prompt: hiding, Brendol Hux sucks and that's the tea, Kylo Ren is Matt the Radar Technician, Mention of Past Abuse, Mention of blood, fluff prompt: pets
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-19
Updated: 2019-12-19
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:20:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,261
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21863614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/revoleotion/pseuds/revoleotion
Summary: Armitage is good at hiding his pain... until he isn't. This prompt is inspired by that one scene in "Marriage Story" (on Netflix).Phasma is convinced that Millicent isn't monogamous.
Relationships: Armitage Hux & Phasma
Kudos: 16





	1. hiding

The blood was starting to escape his uniform, and that made his issue not only serious – it got personal. Armitage pressed two fingers against his wrist while talking and didn’t move a muscle more than necessary, even though the pain was almost too much to handle.

“Like I said,” he started but got distracted when a drop of blood appeared on his fingertips and filled up the space between his fingernails and his skin. The moment did not last longer than a second but to him it was an eternity.

“They are vulnerable,” he finally continued, “But so are we. I suggest we take the time we need to-”

He trailed off but nobody noticed because someone had already interrupted him. Armitage allowed himself to look at his wrist, back at whoever was speaking, then back at the injury. The pain was a small humming now, blood knocking on his skin and politely asking to leave his body. He grabbed tighter, which caused his breath to tremble and lose its rhythm. Annoyed by it, Armitage looked up again, just to find himself stuck in an absolutely counterproductive discussion he’d love to leave anytime. The second someone repeated Armitage’s own point and masked it as a _new_ suggestion, he got up and raised an eyebrow.

“Continue and tell me when you realize that I’m right,” he told the group and reached for his hat. A single drop of blood landed on the table but Armitage wiped it away with his finger.

“Are you alright?” a voice asked.

“No,” he answered. “You disappoint me.”

He hoped that he caused fear and maybe common sense – but that was unlikely. Most people Armitage worked with were denser than he liked. But dense was better than dangerous.

He entered a kitchen and made sure nobody followed him, then he pulled up his sleeve to take a look at the wound. It was deeper than expected. The sleeve was dripping with red liquid and his skin was a stained mess. Armitage stared for three seconds before he moved over to the sink and turned on the cold water. The icy touch came with the overwhelming smell of metal. He almost choked on it but pressed the fingers of his other hand against his mouth. He couldn’t let this stupid mistake overwhelm him. He couldn’t panic – and, seriously, he had seen worse injuries.

As the water continued to flow, so did the blood, and the longer he waited, the worse he felt. He reached for a towel and wrapped it around his writ. It felt damp immediately, that’s why he took another one.

Part of him knew what was coming as he turned off the water and stood alone in the kitchen, only accompanied by the sound of his heartbeat and his short breath.

He knew it when he fell and barely managed not to hit his head on the counter. He pulled the towel tighter, turned around and looked up to the ceiling.

This was not how this day was supposed to end. When Armitage told the new technician, he had expected him to fix the wall immediately, as they usually did. But, no, he had walked past it and lost an entire arm, at least according to the amount of blood on the floor.

Armitage felt too tired to get up or call someone. It was a large ship and he hoped that nobody was going to find him like this. He just needed some time to rest. He was going to be fine.

He had felt worse. To be honest, this wasn’t too bad. It was a light feeling and the room was getting darker.

He was already unconscious when the door opened again.


	2. pets

“She usually doesn’t like people, you know,” Armitage says while looking at the cat in Phasma’s lap. Millicent seems to like her uniform and she started purring the second Phasma carefully touched her with her gloves.

“You are saying this to make me feel better,” Phasma says.

“Prove it.”

“This cat snuggled with Ren’s old coat yesterday and meowed at a trooper until they picked her up to pet her.”

Armitage looks over to the jacket Phasma mentioned and wonders if this is the right moment to tell her that he is wearing this jacket to sleep. As for the troopers, he knows that Phasma carries snacks in her pocket. To Millicent, everything with a mask is a potential treat.

“No, I’m pretty sure she’s monogamous.”

“Cats aren’t monogamous, Hux.”

Armitage gasps quietly and tries to make out an emotion behind her mask.

“Last name basis? After I almost died?”

“Oh please. You barely…”

“I almost bled to death!” Armitage protests. “This is serious!”

Millicent’s ear flicks as she hears him and she jumps from Phasma’s lap to come to him. He smiles a little and takes off his glove to pet her. Millicent curls up to a all next to him and meows when he stops touching her. With a small sigh, he continues and looks at Phasma.

“Besides,” he says, “You out of all people know that you have to hide it.”

She makes a sound that is dangerously close to a sigh. Her mask is blank but she leans forward a little, elbows rested on her knees. Whatever comes next, is serious.

“That was before,” Phasma says. “You can’t just bleed out in a ditch somewhere.”

“A kitchen.”

“I said what I said.”

Armitage removes his fingers from Millicent’s fur and ignores her protests. He looks at Phasma and maybe he wants to say something but he has no words for it, not yet. Maybe there will never be words for it.

“This isn’t him, remember? Which means that every day you outlive him is a victory,” Phasma continues. She doesn’t need to say the name, and Armitage is glad that she doesn’t do it.

“It doesn’t feel like that, sometimes,” Armitage admits and smiles when Millicent bites his finger. She knows when he says things like that.

“That cat is right,” Phasma says.

“I know.”

The room falls silent and nobody feels like breaking that silence. Armitage feels his finger being eaten by the cat and leans his head against the wall. Even though he has done nothing all day, he’s tired. It’s probably normal after almost bleeding to death but part of Armitage is anxious about it.

Phasma gets up and ignores Millicent who jumped from the bed the second she saw the woman move.

“You’re leaving?” Armitage asks.

“Yes, I’m leaving. Unlike you I don’t have an excuse to-”

“Would you stay? For a few more minutes?”

He isn’t scared, not really. He just knows that he doesn’t feel safe yet. Some wounds heal slower than others, and some never truly heal. Some holes in his heart need to be filled up with something else.

Phasma looks at him and he is able to read the emotion in her eyes. She picks up Millicent, puts her down in Armitage’s lap and pushes the chair closer to the bed.

“Do you have something to-” Phasma doesn’t get to finish her question because Armitage already tossed a book at her. She catches it, opens it and starts reading.

“Sleep well,” she says after three pages like she just remembered to say it.

Armitage nods and closes his eyes. The warmth of the at in his lap and the noise of his best friend reading his book create a sense of peace he rarely feels in the First Order.

Maybe Phasma is right. He just needs to live.

**Author's Note:**

> Written before watching ep 9, don't worry, a fix-it-fic is on its way!  
> \- ben


End file.
